- Having a plausible mental framework to put the experience in, beyond just that I was going crazy. I had a deep fear that meditation had “damaged” my mind and I was going psychotic, due to stories I’d read. Framing this instead as possible resurfaced trauma or an insight event and discussing this with therapist and meditation teacher helped bring a more curious, detached mindset and feel less alone.
- Hearing about other meditator’s experiences and how they’ve recovered, helped it feel less esoteric and more mundane. Hearing that meditation in the long run has overwhelming improved people’s mental health.
- Maintaining agency. Discussing with meditation teacher a toolbox of mitigations like walking, breathing, focusing on the body, calling someone, eating, and going outside helped me at the very least let me feel I had some control over the situation, even if I had no idea what was going on. And trying all of them was a good way to stop over focusing on the fear.
dominant thing that there is something wrong, but it’s very diffuse, the feeling that things don’t fit together.
it can be perceptually the same experience but it hinges more if it is pleasant or not (distrubing).
When I got off retreat I would do auto walk and it felt great.
Then day after would be the same thing: body does its thing me and watching the body but on that day I’d freak out.
One feels like “oh this feels wrong”
One time about an hour of going through A&P (sound door merging with kinesthetic door: no difference between sound and touch. it was interesting and wasn’t scary).
It only lasted 20 mins.
But afterward I felt exhausted by the vibration.
I had some proprioception distortions (head felt funny)
And I couldn’t speek. Also it felt like when I would say things it felt fake.
Then I had an urge to vomit.
It was then chronic but never as intense. I would always fight it and snap out of it but that’s worse thing to do about it.
If I fight it its worse. If i don’t fight it it’s ok.
It was very wrapped up with anxiety and also sugar lows. It was also effected by sleep. Naps would help.
And these days: this feeling of things not being right and not together is 99% gone.
I think I might still have a brain fog, but it could be due to generally less than ideal sleep.
It might come back but if it does then I think it won’t be very hard to deal with.
I’ll just look at external factors like sleep and stress and adjust those accordingly.
Movements that induce flow states has helped. Things that require skill and coordination fixes it. I just do the flow movements.
I read a study that coordinating the two sides of the body helps with attenuating DPDR symptoms.
My opinions as to why it arose:
I did have poor mental health.
I was smoking a lot of weed, like everyday for 2 years.
then I did an ayahuasca retreat with 8 ayahuasca sessions and
then I got into meditation like crazy.
Also these days alcohol brings about DPDR, like 100% reliable.
Worrying about having DPDR is much of it. It might be called existential OCD: you constantly check if reality exists and if reality exists and what it means. So I stay away from questions of time, space, meaning, trying to understand things that can’t be understood.
I now just remember to get safety, attunement, and soothing of the imaginal parents. that pretty much fixes it.
There is a constant fear that I’ll go crazy,
There is the tendency to take my thoughts too seriously. Falling into psychic equivalence.
There is an intervention in the moment of “shut the fuck up. Just go get a tea.”
there were like 3 trip reports in the rational psychonaut subreddit a week where the people developed DPDR and there was always a trauma back ground, in my opinion.